Hi! *wave* I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I know someone who knows you. Not just knows you in the deepest recesses of your heart but loves you with an unconditional, passionate, reckless, die-for-you kind of love. Who delights in you and knows you by name. Who thought of you before the foundations of the earth were created. Who longs for a one-on-one kind of relationship with you.
Yup, you probably guessed by now who this someone is—God. Yeshua. Abba. Papa.
I’m not sure what kind of relationship you have with Him but I want to share about this amazing God with you.
He changed my life.
I didn’t grow up in a sappy, lovey-dovey, perfect Christian home where bad things never happened and live life the way I do because of it. No. My life was far from perfect and still is. My story began in Russia, where I was born and lived for the first 7 years of my life. It began in a broken down home with a broken down family. My dad committed suicide and my mom was too broken herself and neglected her two little girls, selling her soul for pleasures of this world—drugs, alcohol, and men. By the time I was 6, we were homeless and my sister and I had to wander the streets looking for food and shelter. A social worker was made aware of our situation and we were taken to an orphanage. By than, my mom was in jail.
And yet, my story didn’t end there. God made a way for an American family to adopt my sister and I. Although my life became better in so many ways, I struggled internally and my relationship with my adoptive parents suffered. By the time I reached adulthood, my relationship with my dad was non-existent. I planned to graduate high school, move out, and never look back.
I struggled with deep wounds of rejection, depression, loneliness, anger, self-loathing, and an identity crises. I found comfort in food, chasing love, and fantasies. I had built Jericho high walls around my heart that kept people and God out. I believed God was angry and disappointed in me. I blamed God for all the bad and saw myself as the victim. I felt unwanted and discarted. I couldn’t understand why God would allow bad things to happen to innocent children. Most of all, I believed I was a mistake and should have been left in Russia.
But God…my two favorite words. In spite of all the ugly I faced, the loss I endured, the rejection I felt, He was working behind the scenes. Through a family deeply in love with God and a man (who would be my husband) passionately obedient to the Lord, the Lord broke through my hardened heart and breathed life into it. Soon after I graduated high school, I was swept away by the Lord and the man of my dreams who showed what the real love of the Father looked like. I was astounded and moved!
One day, I encountered God as not Jesus, but as my Father. My spirit was that of an orphaned child that desperetely longed to know that there was a Dad out there who loved me and adored me. Who wanted me. Although I knew God all my life, I never knew and allowed myself to experience Him. My head knew about Him but my heart was far from Him. But as God held my broken, dejected, and emotionally beaten heart in His arms, He became real to me.
My heart began to come to life as He reminded me of who He was and who I was not.
He was love and loved me with a reckless kind of love. I was worth pursuing and loving. I didn’t have to be perfect. I was loved just as I was. I was a child of God. I was redeemed. I was chosen. God had a purpose and a plan for me. God would never reject me, He would always be with me. My past did not dictate God’s hand in my life. No matter how far I ran, He was always right behind me. I was someone’s daughter who delighted in me. God’s thoughts for me were good. He knew everything about me and yet still loved me.
I began to see that it wasn’t God who caused the bad. It’s because sin happened and is still happening. It’s because hurt people hurt other people. It’s because there was a real enemy who hated God and who hated me because I was simply His child and wanted nothing more than to bring havvoc and misery to my life.
But God was the good behind it all. Creating beauty from ashes. Healing the sick. Restoring the blind. Drawing us to Himself who gives us the gift of eternal life and out of the misery that sin and Satan inflict on us. Transforming broken hearts and lives into testimonies of His goodness and redemption!
My life is a testimony of just how good God is.
I have found through all the ups and downs of every season I have lived through, He is the peace in the storm. The anchor in the hurricane. The joy in the chaos. The Truth that sets us free. Although my life is hard and probably will be till I draw my last breath, it is good. It is so very good. There is a peace, joy, love, grace, and thankfulness that overflows into every area of my life when I take the time to see it. Because of God’s great love for me, this life does not have to be a burden but an adventure!
I hope if you haven’t done so already, you will take the plunge and say “yes” to this adventure with Jesus!
<3 Anastasia